There is officially 10 more days left before I fly out. I can't believe it.....
I have already quit my job at the hospital so....wow, I'm really doing this!
People have been asking me, "are you excited?" Well....I don't know. I don't think I'm excited. I think I'm somewhere in between excitement and nervousness. So am I jumping up and down and spazzing out because I'll be flying out soon? No. I feel pretty mellow right now. I feel neutral. I guess I don't know how to react. Spazzing out with excitement or avoiding the imminent day out of fear and uncertainty.........I don't fear the circumstances that I'll be putting myself into. I don't fear the thought of leaving a routine life for something different. What I'm nervous about is the unknown. I need to know what to expect so that I can remain in control. And this "not-knowing" what I'm getting myself into is really eating away at my nerves.........I hate feeling vulnerable. But I guess there is nothing much I can do except to go with the flow and cross my fingers and pray that everything will turn out fine. After all, this is something that I must do, this is a step that I must take.
I am currently swamped with packing, appointments, errands, dinner dates, etc. I don't want to leave out anything. I want to be able to fly with a sound mind that I have organized everything back home to the best of my abilities so that my mom can easily find documents that I might need, or things that I might need to get sent over, etc.
A lot of people have been telling me, "You're going to love it there, you won't want to come back." I don't think so, I will come back home after one year because home is where the family is. Plus, I plan to continue with theater after this 1 year stint, so I need to be back! ^^ I won't stay longer than what my contract states. And contrary to people's belief, I will not get myself into a relationship while I'm over there! So rest assured, Mom! ^^ My only purpose to go to South Korea is to learn about a different culture, to learn to become independent, and to challenge myself to tackle a different kind of performance: Teaching. I want to inspire others and be inspired in return. It's the only way I can grow.
The only routine I will have while I'm in South Korea is: Teach; Learn; Friends; Shop; Temple. ^^
I vow to be a fragrant flower.
바라옵건데,
아름다운 향기를 줄 수 있는 한 송이 꽃이 되게 하옵소서.
I vow to be a bridge that binds.
바라옵건데,
사람들이 오고 가고 만나는데 이로운 다리가 되게 하옵소서.
I vow to be a tree that shades all passersby.
바라옵건데,
길 가는 이들에게 시원한 그늘이 될 수 있는 한 그루
나무가 되게 하옵소서.
I vow to be a quenching stream for travelers.
바라옵건데,
나그네의 피로한 마음을 어루만지고 갈증을 덜어주는 맑은
샘물이 되게 하옵소서.
I vow to be a lamp that shows the way.
바라옵건데,
어두운 길 밝히고 마음에 빛을 주는 등불이 되게 하옵소서.
Please grant me the strength to achieve everything I've set out to achieve.......
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